In no way is this meant to distract you.

Posted 1 decade ago by Fortress Forever Team
The time has come, and I'm going to be your philosophical guide through today's update. Before we begin, though, everyone needs to soothe their chi, focus their spirit, and get on this carpet with me, cause I'm gonna take you to a whole new world?

"If awesomeness is the essence of essenceness, and Scotland was founded in the 'early days,' then we will rise again to take your children."

That's what FooleyCooley was talkin' about the other day just moments before he sprung his trap on us, but it was a trap of goodness, and we got both arms caught in it. It was ok, though, cause inside not only did we find the super shotgun:

But beside Karl's journey spirit, was a knife and a wrench, both of which were believed to be involved in a massive orca slaying.

You're probably wondering how we were able to save ourselves from this trap, and it wasn't easy... you can't really know the effects of three pounds of peyote until you fall down the stairs at your grandparent's 50th anniversary, and somebody helps you up. Well, when we looked up, there were two people lookin' down on us.

First of all, there was omen, who grabbed us by the legs and used his modeling prowess to keep decs' glass of bourbon always half-full, and on the other end there was ted_maul who was holding us by the wrists and tryin' to comfort our fractured spine with promises of "super neat-o" special effects through his huge cup of coding knowledge. Neither of these two guys could help with the damage done to our soul, though. No, we had to hire a thin-lipped Jewish woman who answers to the name of BritishTang to whisper those sweet nothings to us in the form of all things sound-related.

Later on, though, we were nursing ourselves back to health with a beautiful big breasted Scottish gentlemen who told us all these stories about how he used to chase gazelles through the corridors of the far away land of "ff_bases," and while he tried to paint a mental picture for us, he failed, so we hired some other guy to just make the map for us so we could play it instead.

Although the fog is thick, so are the waves, and we should heed the warning of those giant Indians that stepped out of that spaceship, and remember when the time comes, "It's ok to be naked with friends."

Which, roughly translated, means, "There are thousands, if not several, more screenshots deep within' the belly of the mongrels?"

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